The day his son asks him: “Daddy, why were you a porn star?”, he will answer him: “Because it’s what made me happy”, adding: “In life, you have to do what makes you happy. Without shame.”
The photo shoot has come to an end. Mondino has shown me his chosen images. Two close-up portraits, one with the eyes open, the other with the eyes shut. On the one with his eyes close, a small tear of sperm is rolling down his cheek.
Rocco Siffredi decided to stop:
– My body pushed me into making this decision.
A change in circumstance helped him. He took part in an Italian reality TV show, L’Isola dei Famosi, [Celebrity Island] where he spent two months on an island, and it was like weaning. He reflected and asked himself what had made him who he was.
– There I was, with nothing, I was all alone, faced with the depth of my problems.
The filming ended and a decision was made. The sexually dependency was over.
– My addiction.
He speaks perfect French. He laughs often, either instead of answering a question or because something genuinely amuses him.
When he laughs as an answer, the gaze is cold, the face frozen, his mouth open over tidy white teeth, shoulders straight, his chest doesn’t move, the angle of his jaw remains square, his nose is straight, he holds his head haughtily, his hard eyes fixed on yours. When he really finds something funny, that fixity falls away. The shoulders relax, curve, his face turns to the side, the jawline drops, and there is a childish glint in his eye.
– I said to myself: “All your problems are dependent on each other, if you want to sort them out, you have to sort all of them out.” And so I decided: “You will no longer be the one who yes to anyone who asks you to show them your dick.”
– What problems are you talking about
– For example, in my relationship with my fans, I felt dependent on my character. That was a terrible, terrible problem for me. I’d be in a nightclub for example and fans would come over and say “Ah Rocco! I love you!” Just one more word was enough to take them to bed.
His face is very serious.
In an episode of a TV show that’s been kicking around on the internet for years, we see him on set with the other guests. After uttering just two sentence, he grabs one of the guests by the waist, climbing over the set, she cries out, he holds on to her, he pulls her thong out of her jeans, the others all laugh, he pulls her jeans down, facing the camera trying to show her behind, she struggles, the others are in hysterics, doubled up in their chairs, the girl keeps crying out, asking him to stop, but he keeps trying to pull her trousers down, while everyone’s eyes shine with mirth.
The very first time he found himself on a porn film set, he felt completely at ease. It didn’t take long for him to become Rocco Siffredi.
– It was like coming home.
He comes from a family in Ortona. A few years later, he got scared. He was visiting his parents and the family doctor came over to see him: “You’ll never get married Rocco, if you make porn films no one will want you.” So he thought he would never live with a woman or have children. As time went by, the situation evolved. He became a superstar. One day, his father, who was 70-years old at the time, started talking to him as if he was his best friend: “If you don’t understand me Rocco, who will?”
– And what did he say to you?
– He told me all of his little sex stories.
– Was he still with your mother?
– No, she was dead. She died in 1991.
– Is he still alive today?
– He died in 2013.
– The reality TV show was the year after that right?
– Yes.
Don Juan was intimate with a thousand and three women, “mille e tre”. For Rocco Siffredi it’s been five thousand.
– I’m attracted to all sorts of women, that is my strong point. My strong points are that I like to give pleasure and that I like all sorts of women.
– Yet I read in the press you saying something unpleasant about Catherine Breillat…
– That’s nonsense. Where did you read that? I love Catherine, she took my dick in her hand to show the actress how she should do it, and that was the most exciting moment of the film.
– You say you seek truth in sexual rapports, what do you mean by that?
– If we decide to do something, we should do it well. It could be as a porn star, a writer or a photographer. If there is no feeling, we can’t manage to establish a real rapport with someone. I always try and get into the head of the other person, I say: “Welcome”. Porn is the only art form where you can’t act. That’s why traditional actors aren’t at ease. Except once, in a film I saw Depardieu masturbating with De Niro. It’s an old film. Depardieu is a guy who could turn up on a porn film set, and you wouldn’t know the difference, he is a complete actor. Everything has been perverted in cinema. Everything. But the penis becoming erect, no. Colleagues have said to me: "It's incredible, how you as the pilaster of our profession, how you could have been changed by a TV show", they didn’t understand that I had wanted to change my priorities.
– Do you know the word “stallion”?
He laughs.
– Stallone. Yeah, yeah.
The square jawline laughs and the eyes become hard.
– Why do you laugh?
– Because it’s funny.
– Why?
– A stallion, he’s the one who has sex from morning to night without ever getting tired, it’s funny.
– Some men might feel humiliated being reduced to that...
– Poor things! There’s nothing to be offended about. It’s a game. Me, my life, it’s not just about being a man-object. Earlier on, Mondino said to me: “You’re the only dick who talks.” That made me laugh. But it also makes me happy, it means that I am an expressive dick.
– The photo where you’re crying sperm is beautiful…
– It’s the pain and the pleasure.
– What’s the pain?
– When I was six-years old, my brother died. That was when my pain started. Seeing my mother in so much pain, so much pain. Then it continued with the doctor telling me I would never get married. Then I go to work, have sex with other women, leaving my woman at home.
His face, his gaze, the way he’s sitting on the sofa, everything changes.
– There are lots of little things that mean the pain is there.
– Can you remember the day he died? You were very young. But do you remember how it felt for you back that?
– I remember it so well. I’d come back from school. I could see my mother crying through the window. I go inside. My brother was lying on the bed, dead. There had been a birthday party at our house a few days earlier and the balloons were still there floating around. I burst every one of them.
– What was the dominant feeling for you? Your pain or your mother’s?
– My mother’s pain. For months and months afterwards, she set a place for him at the table. And put food on his plate.
– What would your father say?
– He’d say to her: “Stop it, it’s not worth it.”
– How did life carry on from that moment?
– She would be so anxious at times, if I didn’t want to eat for example, she would bite my hands, or hit me. She never spoke, she never said: “You have to finish what’s on your plate.” She just hit me.
– And what was she like before your brother died?
– She was a normal mother. Up until her death, every day, wherever I was in the world I would telephone her, even if it was just for a few minutes: “Ciao mamma, come stai ? Bene ?”
– How old was she when she died?
– 63 years-old. She suffered terribly. I stayed with her at the hospital for two months. I saw her suffering so much that I wished that same suffering on myself. Twice a day she would vomit blood. The veins inside her neck had exploded and the blood would come out her mouth.
I read somewhere that he had been circumcised and that the aftermath had been agonising, the stitches had come undone, blood was flowing down his penis, he’d had an erection all night, breaking all the stitches, one after the other, his erect penis was covered in blood. I can’t help but make a comparison with his mother who vomited blood after the veins in her neck had all burst...
– I hope you don’t mind me asking you this… but your circumcision, how it all happened…
– It was the day after my mother’s death.
– The day after her death?
– Yes. The following day I went to see the doctor and I said: “Can you circumcise me straight away ?” But during the night, the stitches came out. It was horrible. I did everything I wasn’t supposed to do, I burnt them with ice.
– You? Yourself ?
– Yes. Me. Everything, me. I was looking for it. I needed to hurt myself to get closer to my mother.
[Archives. Numéro Homme 30, 2015]
